mjt training

Beat Feelings of Inadequacy to a Pulp

I sometimes wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread. This often happens on a Monday. I wrote this on Monday. You do the math.

I worry about a lot of things when I get like this. How my clients will do in their sessions, problems that could come up, people quitting, people not liking me…the list is long.

I hate feelings like this, as you might imagine!

I sometimes fight them, and try to will myself into feeling better. That never works though. I can’t resist them.

You might struggle with feelings of inadequacy too, or maybe with body image. You might be upset over your performance in a sport you love, or over an injury that is limiting you.

The enemy

I want to show you a simple way to get rid of the feelings that prevent you from being your best. I can’t change your situation, but hopefully I can show you how to change your mind. The mind is very powerful, and you can’t turn your situation around until you get your mind right.

Stop It.

Stop resisting your emotions and trying to make yourself feel better.

Resisting anything only creates a stress response, and there’s no way you can make any positive changes while in that state, especially radical physical changes like fat loss. Your body doesn’t know the difference between the stress created by a bad situation and the stress created by a strenuous physical task. It simply can’t cope with stress upon stress, and you won’t get anywhere, leading to more frustration. The cycle continues.

Allow your emotions to just be there. Don’t fight them, because fighting them doesn’t get rid of them. It just makes you miserable, and I’ve learned this the hard way many times. It can even make your situation worse.

Just notice them, and don’t identify with them. Don’t say “I’m a sad person,” say “I’m a person who’s sad right now.” “I’m inadequate” becomes “I’m a person who feels inadequate.”

 Big difference.

Yeah, the language is awkward. We don’t usually try to differentiate between our self and our feelings, but we should.

Accepting goes the extra step by adding a sense of “ok-ness.” It’s ok for this feeling to be, for no other reason than it is.

So I Should Just Accept Feeling Terrible?

No! What I am NOT saying is that we should just passively ride along wherever life takes us. We’d have no reason to change our bodies for the better. We’d have no push for any sort of compassion or any reason to work hard for justice or mercy or what we want. We’d just be a blob of miserable existing-stuff.

Instead, first accept your feelings as what is, then allow action to flow. By accepting a thought or feeling, you create space to then act in a more productive and efficient way.

You’ll find a great deal of freedom when you accept however you feel at the present moment. When I focus on this, I find that the categories of pleasure and pain dissolve into one big category of peace.

Once you are in that state, feelings don’t absorb you. Feelings of inadequacy don’t prevent you from acting. Fear doesn’t reduce you to nothing. Grief is there and takes its course but does not paralyze you.

Doesn’t that sound like a great way to live?